By the Fireside
by JoBethMegAmy. my homegirls
Summary: Med student Maura and beat cop Jane enjoy some intimacy during a weekend getaway at a wintry cabin. Two-part follow-up to SMASH CUT.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hi, all! Long time, no Rizzles. I was just feeling nostalgic for them and their love, and was inspired by a tumblr post to write something about cuddling with someone in a manner which might or might not lead to more. Then I wanted to combine it with a wintry prompt a friend of mine has wanted for some time, about huddling for warmth. This is a follow-up to **Smash Cut** , but works as a stand-alone **two-shot** as well (ch2 will be up before the weekend). **Reminder** , Jane and Maura are in their early twenties. And, credit to thepriceisrizzoli for letting me borrow a word-tracing headcanon :)

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Their first romantic getaway could not have come at a better time.

Jane needed something to help her recover from the overbearing family time of Thanksgiving and to sustain her for the overbearing family time of Christmas. Maura had been buried in studying for exams, severely limiting the time she and Jane got to spend together. They had set a date for a weekend trip in mid-December, as soon as Maura's tests were over. A blizzard late on Friday night threatened to make their drive to Vermont impossible, so despite the fact that it would mean very little time to sleep after her shift, Jane had suggested leaving in the afternoon for a head start on the snow. Maura was game.

Constance had once told her that a good test for a new relationship was how well you fared together on a road trip. The drive to the Isles' family cabin (the one shared property in their divorce) was less than four hours, but Maura figured that still counted. Determined not to fall asleep, Jane had brought a Red Bull along for the trip and made it the most fun drive Maura had ever been on. Though it started to snow when they still had about half an hour left to go, they arrived safely, with the only real danger occurring when Jane's Iggy Azalea impersonation made Maura laugh so hard she almost swerved into oncoming traffic.

"Oh my gosh, it's so cozy, I can feel the coze wrapping itself around me," Jane said upon walking inside the cabin. She gasped and threw herself onto the couch, arms outstretched. "Come lie here with me."

"Just a sec," Maura laughed, untying her scarf. "Let me grab some blankets so you don't freeze to death."

In the few seconds it took Maura to throw their bags in the bedroom and get an armful of blankets out of the closet, though, Jane seemed to have fallen fast asleep on the couch. Maura threw the heaviest blanket over Jane and knelt by her feet, untying and removing Jane's boots as smoothly as possible. Jane stirred when Maura took off the first one but said nothing.

 _Wow, she must really be out of it_.

Maura scooted to the other end of the couch, by Jane's head, so she could brush some hair out of her face. Jane's features scrunched up for a moment but again she said nothing. Maura would've been tempted to get up on the couch with her, but there wasn't really enough room for them to comfortably lie there together, so she stayed kneeling on the floor, stroking Jane's shoulder.

"Jane? Are you asleep?" she whispered. No response; just continued relaxed breathing. There was something really sweet about seeing her this way, unguarded and at ease. Maura knew she had a dopey grin on her face but didn't care, and she knew Jane couldn't hear her as she continued to speak softly, but after a few moments she did anyway: "I should get us some firewood. It's just right outside, and I won't be long. But I'll miss you." Maura kissed her cheek. "I love you."

As she got to her feet, it occurred to Maura that that was the first time she'd ever actually said that out loud. It had just felt right in that moment, and her only regret was that Jane hadn't heard it. But maybe that made it easier to say the first time out, like a test run. Considering the warm glow it made her feel even as she stepped back out into the snow, it seemed the test run was a go.

Jane groggily got up a few minutes after Maura's exit. "Babe?" she yawned. "Where'd you go? Maura… please, don't make me get up."

When there was no answer, though, that was what Jane had to do. She stood, and was startled for a moment to see someone through the window. But then she realized it was Maura, splitting logs. Maura Isles in a red plaid jacket and bomber hat, wielding an axe, was so hot that all Jane could do was stand and stare for almost a full minute. Exhaustion got the best of her and she collapsed back on the couch, but she planned on telling Maura later that it was the view that made her faint.

It was dark out when Jane woke up again. She had rolled over, eyes still closed, and her arm smacked Maura in the head.

"Ouch!"

"Oh! Sorry, babe, I didn't see you there."

Maura had been sitting on the carpet by Jane's head, reading in front of a crackling fire. Jane propped herself up on the sofa and inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of the wood fire.

"Sorry I conked out on you," she sighed. "What's that you're reading?"

"Just a little nostalgia," Maura chuckled, holding up the book for Jane to see. It was one of _The Babysitters Club_ books. "These are the only things of mine that are still here. I wanted to get as far away from medical stuff as possible this weekend, and this is a pretty good start. And by the way, don't apologize for being tired. How much sleep did you even get before we left, two hours?"

"Almost. For the record, I did wake up for a minute while you were um, taking care of that." She nodded at the fireplace. "It dawned on me that I've never seen someone actually chopping firewood before. You were uh, pretty sexy out there. So sexy, I passed out. For several hours, it looks like."

"Stop," Maura snorted, though amused. "The logs were pre-bought, they just needed to be split. It's not that hot."

"I respectfully disagree." She sat up when she noticed Maura was shivering. "You still cold down there?"

"The fire feels really nice, but this blanket is pretty thin and I should be closer to the fireplace," Maura admitted. "But I liked sitting by you. Even if it meant getting whacked in the face."

Jane laughed and stretched. "That's the price you have to pay sometimes, I guess. I'm gonna get down to your level and change into some more comfortable clothes, okay? Take this while I'm gone." She dumped the heavy blanket over Maura's head. "That thing is amazing, it weighs like a ton and reminds me of my Great Aunt Virginia's mink coat."

"Funny you should say that," said Maura, moving closer to the fireplace. "We actually got this blanket _for_ my great aunt, Marge, when she visited. She complained that none of the blankets were warm enough."

A few moments later, Jane came sprinting back to the couch in the sweats she used as pajamas. "Brrr, I don't blame Great Aunt Marge! It's chilly in here, let me get back under there."

She brought back two of the other blankets with her, and an enormous couch pillow for them to share. Maura nestled in to Jane's side and Jane let out what was only a slightly-exaggerated sigh of contentment. The kind of easy silence she could enjoy with Maura was priceless, and getting to have it in front of a fireplace was a heaven she couldn't have even thought to dream up.

They had been laying there in silence for several minutes, neither of them sure how long. Maura thought it possible Jane had dozed off again, and she found herself also drifting closer to sleep. At Jane's insistence that Maura give herself a break from her stringent diet, they'd gorged on road trip snacks and fast food on the drive, and still feeling quite full, it was all too easy for Maura to let her eyes close in front of the warmth of the fire.

Jane had spent the night at Maura's place only twice: once when they'd both had too much to drink to drive safely, and another when they'd stayed up talking until 3:30 in the morning, at which point Jane had been too tired to drive her bike home. In the first instance, Jane had done as she had this afternoon and passed out on the couch. The second time, Maura was disappointed to find that after talking Jane into sharing the bed with her, she'd brushed her teeth and returned to the bedroom to find Jane out like a light. It wasn't that Maura had expected Jane would want to fool around, but—it had felt silly to admit later, so she never had—she had just wanted to cuddle with her. They'd cozied up next to each other on the couch a couple of times while watching TV, but Maura wanted the whole thing: stretching out together, no screen to look at.

Maybe it was Jane's innocence and inexperience, and their resultant deliberate slow pace, that made Maura crave something others her age might have dismissed as juvenile. But to her, cuddling was just as if not more of an intimate act than sex. Before realizing she was a lesbian, cuddling was never something she'd wanted to do with her boyfriends. She could handle the sex well enough, but it was the thought of him trying to snuggle up next to her afterwards that was somehow the worst bit of it.

Almost since their first semi-date at a coffee shop, Maura had wanted to fall asleep next to Jane just for her calm presence. Lying in bed, trying to slip into slumber, was when Maura's anxieties all liked to come out to play. Jane had the most amazing way of putting her at ease without even trying, and Maura wanted to know if that affect could help her defeat insomnia.

Enveloped in blankets, Maura moved to let her face rest on the soft curls by the crook of Jane's neck. She couldn't contain a quiet laugh, remembering how Jane had referred to her own hair as "a briar patch" the first night they'd met. It was feeling more than hearing the chuckle that pulled Jane from her light slumber, and she smiled. One arm was tucked under Maura and had started to go numb, so she moved it up behind Maura's neck and around her shoulders despite an adorable sound of protest.

"Oh, baby, baby," Jane whispered, still grinning and her eyes still closed. She lightly kissed Maura's forehead, tracing her fingers along the arm Maura had draped over her stomach. Maura just hummed in response, somehow managing to snuggle even closer. For a short while longer, the only sound was the crackling of the fire. Maura was almost falling asleep again when she heard Jane whisper something: "This is so nice."

"Hm?"

Jane hadn't meant to speak the thought aloud, and repeated herself with a self-conscious laugh: "I said, this is so nice. This week has just been so long and stressful, and I kept thinking how great today was gonna be. The weekend's barely started and I'm already thinking how bummed I'm gonna be when it's over."

"Shh, no," Maura said. "Don't do that. Be in the moment and enjoy it. The niceness isn't temporary."

Jane went quiet again, embarrassed to vocalize the sentiments going through her mind: how she couldn't imagine ever tiring of this. How she was usually only able to relax in full when she was alone, and that she'd never dreamed of being able to feel this level of peace with somebody else. They were huddled together now for joy as much as for heat, and Jane hoped at least some of what she was thinking was getting across.

Maura heaved a deep, happy sigh, her breath like a caress against Jane's neck. "I'm just so glad you're here."

Jane kissed her forehead again. "There is nowhere else in the entire world I'd rather be."

She trailed her hand down to Maura's waist, slipping her fingers under the hem of Maura's sweater. She felt Maura shiver at the sudden contact, and felt her nod when Jane asked if it was all right. The tips of Jane's fingers were still cold, especially in contrast to the warmth of Maura's stomach. After the initial surprise, it felt nice in an unexpected way.

Jane seemed to be tracing small patterns, then would brush a few fingers over the same spot in one motion. With every such swipe, she'd kiss Maura's forehead. When Maura willed her hazy brain to concentrate, she realized the tracings weren't random patterns.

"Are you writing something?"

"Yes," Jane laughed, not sure why she sounded insecure when she'd hoped Maura would notice. "When I was a kid, my best friend Emily and I used to do this when we were bored at church. We'd 'write' messages on each other's arms. To differentiate between words, you wipe the slate." She did the brushing motion again.

"Did Emily get a kiss each time, too?" Maura asked, about half-serious.

That got a light laugh out of Jane, and she shifted over to kiss Maura's cheek. "Nah, baby, that's just for you."

Feigning a satisfied smirk that Jane couldn't even see, Maura tilted her head for a proper kiss. Maura wanted to touch Jane's face (she loved to feel the dimples that emerged when Jane smiled into their kisses), but she was loathe to move her hands out from the warmth of the blankets. She rolled onto her side, taking gentle fistfuls of Jane's shirt. Before either of them could deepen the kiss, Maura broke it off with an abrupt realization.

"I missed what you were writing for me, then. On me, I mean. What did you say?"

Jane opened her mouth to answer but paused, torn between two responses: "nothing important" or, more accurately, "nothing you don't already know."

"How about you try and follow along this time?" she murmured.

Maura was still lying on her side, and her breath hitched when Jane gently tugged at the hem of her sweatpants. When Jane asked if it was all right, Maura bit her lip and nodded. Fighting to keep her breathing steady, Jane felt her heartbeat pick up as she pulled the sweats down a little farther and her thumb brushed the waistband of whatever kind of underwear Maura had on.

It was at that moment and not a second sooner that Jane realized she was ready to find out what kind that was, exactly.

Now she wasn't holding back out of self-consciousness or concern that she wasn't ready, or closeted self-doubt. She held back because she was in no sudden rush now that the readiness had struck her. It could happen tonight, tomorrow morning, next week, whenever. But soon.

With her hand positioned on Maura's bared hip, Jane said, "let's see if I can't distract you, huh?"

"Oh, you think I can't multitask?" Maura scoffed.

It was very tempting to give in when Jane started to kiss her neck, but Maura forced herself to pay attention to the letters being traced on her hip. Oh, Jane thought she was funny.

"Refrigerator?!" Maura balked, and Jane couldn't keep in a laugh at the indignation in her tone. "Smartass!"

"I'm sorry," Jane wheezed. "Dang, I was hoping maybe I was good enough at keeping you too preoccupied to notice."

Maura snorted. "You almost did. But come on, what were you saying before? Or does it ruin it if I'm aware?"

Jane sighed, propping herself up on one elbow, keeping her hand on Maura's hip. This repositioning allowed some of the cold cabin air into their blankets, but Maura couldn't bring herself to care; not with Jane gazing down at her like this, with the firelight reflected in her eyes. Jane brushed some hair from Maura's forehead and blew a kiss at her.

 _HI_

 _THERE._

Maura's smile widened. "Hello to you, too."

Nothing else was communicated for a while, at least not in words. Jane's grin didn't disappear, but almost, and for a moment she appeared to be on the verge of tears. How to make this succinct enough to spell out?

 _THANK_

 _YOU._

"For what?"

 _EVERYTHING._

Jane shrugged one shoulder and knew she should elaborate. "Thank you for bringing me here, this special place from your childhood memories. I like being someplace that's meaningful for you. Thank you for answering all my dumb questions about sexuality. No, it's okay, some of them have been dumb," she laughed when it looked like Maura wanted to protest this. "Thank you for staying up later than you should on some weeknights, just so we can spend even a few minutes together. Thank you for being the reason I smile at my phone when I get your 'let me know when you're home safe' texts." She swooped down for a kiss, overplaying it to stave off the sudden onset of emotion threatening to overwhelm her. It didn't help much when she pulled back and saw Maura, though still smiling, was tearing up.

She went on: "Thank you for sharing your generous spirit with me. Thank you for forgiving me when I screw up. Thank you for not pushing me or trying to shame me into coming out to more people before I'm ready."

Jane had to take a steadying breath when this comment spurred Maura to reach up, taking hold of Jane's arms, but she kept herself propped up.

"Thank you for not pushing me to have…to be more intimate than I've been, uh, ready for." Jane allowed herself a shaky laugh. "Like, thanks for never saying anything like 'geez babe, what if I get wounded in battle and can't get it up anymore and I'd never gotten to plow you?'"

"My God, he didn't."

"Almost his exact words. But I'm glad he said them." Her laugh was more natural this time, brought on by Maura's quizzical expression. "He dropped that oh-so-romantic line, and shortly afterwards I agreed to go to CVS with him for an item that some beautiful woman was also buying, for her friend's bachelorette party."

Maura was able to relax and smile again. "Little did that woman realize how the simple act of buying lube for a friend would go on to change her life."

Jane's smile couldn't be contained now. She drummed her fingers along Maura's hip before she began tracing again:

 _I_

 _L O_

She stopped abruptly, and Maura watched her with bated breath. This wasn't something Jane wanted to say for the first time in such a casual way. For a brief moment she wondered what the right tone would be, but she soon realized she was overthinking it and just needed to go with her gut and say exactly what was on her mind. She stroked Maura's cheek, her voice calm and quiet:

"Maura? I love you. I'm in love with you. The things I feel when I'm around you, and feel for you when I miss you because I'm _not_ around you, it's just nothing like I've ever felt for anyone else. Not even close. I totally don't want you to feel like you have to say it back, and I'm sorry if it seems soon. It's just what I've been feeling, and I thought you should know. I'm in love with you and that's how I know I'm real —I mean, what I'm feeling is real. And I'm not afraid of that anymore."

Maura pulled Jane down on top of her, wrapping the blankets securely around them both again. She was shivering, and Jane thought the need for warmth must have been why Maura seemed to be trying to tuck herself in to Jane. This was only partly correct, she would realize, as Maura started peppering kisses onto every part of Jane's face that she could reach.

"I love you, too," she whispered. "I love everything about you and I love who I am when I'm with you and who we are when we're together."

Jane was smiling, but didn't want to get ahead of herself. "You don't have to say it back if you're not—"

"Hey." Maura had intended to jokingly slap Jane's cheek, but in the moment, found she couldn't do so even in jest. So her hand rested there, her thumb rubbing over the dimple she had fallen in love with at first sight. "You know I don't lie, even about inconsequential things. I would never tell you I was in love with you if I didn't mean it to the very depth of my bones."

"Wow, that sounds serious," Jane said.

"It is," Maura said, and she sounded serious as well. "I've loved you for a long time, Jane. Saying it aloud is new, but feeling it isn't."

The fire couldn't be doing this, Jane thought, spreading warmth from the inside out. She couldn't remember what cold felt like as she captured Maura's lips in a kiss. That familiar swooping sensation was back, but felt more powerful and out-of-control than ever. She teased Maura's lips apart with her tongue, and in response, Maura shifted one of her legs between Jane's. A satisfied hum rumbled from Jane's throat, and when she moved to break off the kiss, Maura reached to bring her back in for another one.

"Hold on," Jane chuckled. She shifted, moving her hand back under Maura's shirt. "Can I…?"

This would've been a good time for a deep breath, Maura thought, but she couldn't summon the energy. "Jane, do whatever you want to do. Please."

"Okay. What do you want me to…?"

Maura squirmed, trying to get closer to Jane. "I just want to feel your hands on my body. Anywhere you want."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** : Thanks for the fun times, fandom!

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"What do you want me to…"

Maura squirmed, trying to get closer to Jane. "I just want to feel your hands on my body. Anywhere you want."

This kind of invitation chased away any lingering self-doubt. Jane felt dizzy with the possibilities and engulfed in heat, particularly between her legs. She resumed kissing Maura to buy herself some time to plan.

 _No, don't overthink. Just go with your gut, it's never let you down before_.

Jane slid her hand higher under Maura's sweater, but didn't rush. The kiss had slowed as well, though that hadn't been a conscious move on her part. She was just enjoying the warmth of Maura's stomach under her palm. It sent small thrills bubbling through her to feel Maura's most minute reactions to her; how she tensed and trembled in turn as Jane's hand continued its unhurried move upwards. When Jane palmed Maura's breast, she was taken aback by how much it turned her on to feel how hard the tip was.

"Don't," Maura whimpered.

Jane froze. Don't stop? Don't touch me there?

Maura took the deepest breath she could muster, curling her fingers into Jane's hair. "Don't you dare make a joke about it being cold. That's because of you."

Jane swore under her breath and went in for another kiss. She trailed her lips down to Maura's neck for the express purpose of freeing the woman's mouth, letting her hear every sweet sound she got Maura to make. She adjusted awkwardly, rebalancing her weight to allow her other hand up Maura's sweater as well. Any discomfort was totally worth it to hear Maura moan like that, to feel her arching up into Jane's touch.

But then Jane pinched a little too hard, and Maura's hiss of pleasure morphed into a squeaked "ouch!" Jane withdrew her grip at once, uttering a stream of apologies, but Maura just laughed, taking Jane's face in her hands.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. Don't be afraid to try. I'm fine."

"Sorry, yeah, okay. You'd tell me if you weren't fine, though, right?"

"Yes, love, of course. Go on."

A brief silence made Maura wonder if the interruption made Jane uncomfortable with continuing. But then Jane mumbled, "Hey, um, would it be okay with you if we kept going with, uh, less… clothes?"

Maura's immediate reaction was to yell an affirmative response of any kind, but she managed to scale down the intensity. "Both of us? Just me, just you?"

By now, Jane had moved one hand out from Maura's sweater to cup her cheek. "Oh, I meant both of us." Her voice was so soft now, though from shyness or reverence, Maura couldn't guess. The snaps and pops from the fire almost drowned it out. "I want to be able to feel you freely. I want to see you. I want you to see me." There went a quiet laugh, and Maura craned her neck up to kiss Jane for it. "I never thought…"

Maura sat up and Jane shifted back so they could undress, but Maura waited to pull off her sweater. "You never thought what, love?"

"Never thought I'd want to be seen."

They exchanged a slow, sincere smile over that. Maura wanted to say something to express how honored, how privileged she felt to have heard Jane share that, but she couldn't think of a way to say it that didn't make her sound like a knight thanking a lady for her handkerchief. So, she let that smile speak for her.

Lust sparked in Jane's loving gaze as Maura pulled off her sweater. Jane haltingly started to do the same, and Maura wondered if it might help Jane be less self-conscious if she weren't to stare right at her. So, she tried to busy herself in tugging off her sweatpants without having to get out from under the blankets. Before she could even accomplish this basic task, Jane was looming over her, topless, and Maura was transfixed.

"Wait, wait," Jane said.

It took Maura a moment to snap back to attention. Jane didn't sound agitated, at least. "What's—?"

"Take off the pants, but leave on whatever's under them."

Was this related to nerves? Self-protection, a last safeguard in case Jane wanted to back out? Maura didn't ask, she just obeyed the request.

Jane pulled off her sweats as well, and thought she might burst from the exquisite sensation of lowering herself onto Maura in this state. Her head was swimming. She basked in the high it gave her to know Maura didn't seem able to decide where to settle her hands first. As Jane straddled her, Maura gripped the backs of her legs, then shifted her hands up to Jane's hips. Lowering herself even more, Jane purred into Maura's ear as the blonde's fingers roamed over Jane's back. No attempts to trace words here; Maura was having a hard enough time remembering how to breathe, let alone be literate. A deep inhale came back out as a nervous chuckle when she felt Jane roll her hips against her.

Jane's palm was pressed on Maura's abdomen, her fingers inching downwards. "All right?"

Maura had started nodding before Jane even asked the question. "Yes. Yes, yes, yes."

It would've been hard to explain aloud, but this was why Jane had stopped Maura from stripping entirely: though she'd been able to gauge how wet Maura was getting, she had wanted this imminent action to be her first true indication of it. A last sort of surprise. Maura's hips jerked in anticipation, and Jane's breath caught, but she stayed frozen.

In fact she hesitated for so long that Maura opened her eyes and managed, "A-are you okay?"

Jane bit her lip and met Maura's gaze again, wondering how much she should say. Maura was experienced with women, whereas she herself was very much a novice, something she hadn't been thinking of until that moment. In recent weeks she'd gotten better in tune with herself and what she liked, but that didn't necessarily mean she'd be good at doing it for another woman. What if she messed up somehow?

"Do you want me to show you?" Maura asked.

Though the dominant expression on Maura's face showed lust, adoration was mixed in as well. That, together with the gentleness of her question, was what made Jane know she wanted to answer no. Even if her actions were imperfect, the experience would be perfect, because Maura would never make her feel like a screw-up. Besides, though Maura's offer was a tempting one, Maura herself had always learned best through exhaustive research and example, but Jane Rizzoli had always learned best just by doing.

"No, it's okay," Jane whispered. She repeated Maura's words back to her: "I'm not afraid to try." Maura smiled, but maybe a compromise was still a good way to go, here. "You'll tell me, though? I mean… help me, if I'm not…"

That got Maura to laugh, but not unkindly. "You're almost there. And I—" Another shaky laugh. "I'm _definitely_ almost there. All you have to do is feel me, Jane. Kiss me wherever you want and just let your fingers feel how wet you've made me. That's all you have to do." She was trembling all over, sure that just the slightest touch would do her in. It was hard to recall ever being this keyed up.

Jane kissed her way down Maura's neck and paused at the collarbone, almost out of habit. But then she shifted herself lower, just far down enough for a tentative kiss to Maura's breast. She was emboldened at once when Maura's hands flew to her head to keep her there. Within moments, Jane had slipped her hand down Maura's boyshorts and she quickly realized she needed to hone her multi-tasking skills ASAP. Her senses were totally overwhelmed.

Feeling the different textures of Maura's breast under tongue—silken, puckered, hard—was almost too much on its own. Coupled with the wet heat at her fingertips, Jane was all but seeing stars. She wanted to focus on the sounds her actions were producing, the sucking and swirling that were a delirious new delight to her, but also the breathy moans coming out of Maura. Raised as a repressed Catholic, Jane had always been mortified by the thought of intimacy-fueled noise, and thus there was something miraculous to her about how unashamed, how unrestrained, Maura was in this moment. Between bouts of feverishly whispered directions, Maura was loud and Jane liked it.

Jane needed to see her face.

She shifted up again. Desire deeper than any she had ever known coursed through her just at the feeling of her body moving along Maura's. She did her best to toss her hair out of her face with a swift jerk of her head, and thought she detected a flicker of a smile when Maura felt the curls brush her face.

"Baby, you're incredible," Jane murmured.

Maura's breaths were only coming out in sharp pants, now. "You… fu… so close—"

"I know you are, but what am I?"

"Conceited!" Maura half-gasped, half-laughed.

It'd been a joke and Jane hoped Maura knew that. Just in case, she added, "It's you. It's all you."

It was almost like a game, Jane reflected later, where she knew the end was forthcoming but its exact timing and means were a mystery.

Maura had wanted to kiss Jane and started to before it all became too much. One hand cradled Jane's head close to her, the other grasping Jane's forearm as she kept up the vocal if unnecessary encouragement. Maura tensed and Jane held her breath, and there came that soft sigh of release. Maura's grip on Jane's hair loosened, and Jane let her head rest against Maura's chest. They both still breathed deep, but much more quietly now.

It was remarkable to Jane that a quietness like this could exist; that after something so intense, she could feel such a sense of calm. In time, though, that led its way to a certain restlessness. It had started as an innocent attempt to move to a more comfortable position, but now Jane was grinding against Maura's leg.

"Do you still want these on?" Maura asked, plucking the waistband of Jane's boxer briefs.

It was asked in sincerity, not issued as a challenge. In response, Jane rolled off Maura to remove them, and Maura did the same with her own. They laughed at the difficulty of accomplishing this in their cocoon of blankets, and they also agreed they'd warmed up enough to toss the topmost layer aside.

Kneeling in front of Maura, Jane took a few moments to really take in the sight of her for the first time. "Oh, wow. I knew this before, Maura, but… wow." She chuckled at herself for not being able to come up with words poetic enough to do Maura justice. "You are so beautiful."

With a teasing look in her eye, Maura said, "I know you are, but what am I?"

Jane snorted a laugh. "You're hot. And about to get even hotter, I hope."

Maura sat up, patting her legs. In contrast to the cockiness of Jane's last statement, there was an endearing shyness to her smile as she moved forward, straddling Maura. "This?"

"Yes, love. Put your arms around me, you're going to be my back support."

Jane leaned forward, clutching Maura close to her. She took a deep, satisfied breath, taking in the gorgeous lavender scent of Maura's shampoo and kissed her hair. Maura hummed, running her hands down Jane's toned thighs.

"Okay," Jane whispered, her legs already quivering. "What else?"

Maura's voice was as low and sensuous as Jane had ever heard it: "If you're up for it, you're going to ride me."

"Oh, God," Jane whimpered.

And a very short ride it was going to be, Jane realized, as soon as Maura's fingers slipped between her legs. Maura's other hand was at the small of Jane's back, ready to guide her movements. She kissed Jane's neck, pressing her lips hard not only out of passion but for the faint vibrations she could feel with each of Jane's precious few moans. Maura loved the contrast in feeling Jane tensing up but also becoming more relaxed, letting more of herself go when she was usually so guarded. But then, Maura had always had that influence on Jane. It stood to reason that it would hold true in this case, as well. A pleasured gasp came out of Jane when Maura went inside her, a sound she never would have imagined herself capable of making. The sound electrified Maura, spurring her on to apply more pressure as Jane grasped her even closer.

Jane was starting to wonder if she might be too strong for her own good. To get more leverage, she had moved her hands to Maura's shoulders; and though Maura was strong as well, it was getting uncomfortable and difficult for her increasingly-straining body to keep up with only a limp couch pillow to lean against. Jane patted her shoulders.

"Lie down, lie down," she whispered between labored breaths.

Maura complied as smoothly as she could. She had expected Jane to follow suit, but instead, she maintained her straddling position. It lasted only a few seconds, because that was all Jane needed, but they were maybe the most dazzling seconds Maura had ever witnessed: Jane silhouetted against the fire, her magnificent hair being tossed as she thrust her hips a few more times until that paradoxical state returned of a body at once straining to move and not to budge.

The shallow, calming breaths came back as Jane slumped over Maura. Only a minute or so later, she let out a weary chuckle when she felt Maura roll her hips.

"I'm sorry," Maura said. "It's just that arousing you really arouses me."

"Ah, there's my Thesaurus Mouth." Jane flexed the leg Maura was grinding against. "Mmm. Turning you on turns me on, too."

"Yeah?" Maura asked. She was already so hyped up, it didn't take long for another small burst of ecstasy to crash through her. Once the waves of pleasure had pulsed their way through her, with one leg still between Jane's, she slowly flipped them over. Her hair tickled Jane's face, and seeing the grin this elicited, Maura leaned down and nuzzled her nose against Jane's. "So. What do you want me to do about it?"

Her own imagination was burning with possibilities, but she wanted to wait and see if Jane was up to suggesting anything in particular. She loved watching how the simplest actions made Jane react, like how her eyes closed and her mouth formed a small _oh_ when Maura's nipples grazed hers.

In light of this response, Maura was about to take hold of Jane's breast but paused. "Don't be shy. You know you can tell me stop any time, right? If I start to do something you don't like?"

Eyes still closed and still smiling, Jane whispered, "Yeah. But don't stop now."

There was enough calm in Jane's voice to help keep Maura from jumping into overdrive, and she initiated another kiss. She traced the backs of her fingers along Jane's breast, and Jane arched herself into that touch, wanting more. Maura was quick to fulfill this tacit request, responding with a massage that deepened without ever becoming forceful.

Jane gave a little gasp against Maura's lips, trailing into a soft moan. She had never dreamed of being touched like this; not after years of being teased as flat-chested, not after her own boyfriend had implied he wouldn't be opposed to her doing something about it. Maura lavishing this kind of attention on her was novel and delicious. That feeling only grew more so when Maura replaced the warmth of her fingers with the warmth of her mouth. Maura glanced upwards for a reaction as she grazed her teeth over Jane's nipple. There was a sharp intake of breath but it was accompanied by a smile. Encouraged, Maura chanced it again while palming Jane's other breast.

Then she repositioned herself between Jane's legs. She began a slow line of kisses from Jane's chest to her stomach, allowing herself the time to marvel at the muscularity she encountered. The feeling of Jane beneath her was intoxicating. Maura kept her hands at Jane's breasts, no longer kneading as intensely but rather just enjoying the feel of Jane's chest heaving with each deep breath she took.

"Okay if I keep going?" Maura asked. The implication: down.

"Mmm…mm-hm."

She reached Jane's navel and dipped her tongue inside, enjoying Jane's reaction. As Maura moved lower, she let her hands glide down Jane's sides, until she had tucked her arms under Jane's legs and latched onto her hips. A new kind of gratification coursed through her as she kissed the inside of Jane's thigh.

"Wait, wait, wait," Jane breathed. It was just loud enough for Maura to hear, and she jerked her head up at once. Jane had hastily propped herself up on her elbows to catch Maura's eye, but then dropped back down and covered her face with her hands. "I don't …I'm not ready for that yet. I'm sorry."

Without a moment's hesitation, Maura moved back up, next to Jane and also hovering over her. "Hey, no. There's no reason you have to be. Ready or sorry, I mean. Not in the slightest, okay?"

Jane tried to laugh at herself, rubbing her eyes and trembling with unreleased tension. "I thought I wanted you to, and I do, just not…" She sighed and opened her eyes, feeling calmed by Maura's understanding gaze. "Maybe we can leave that as something to look forward to another time, huh?"

"Absolutely, if you want. That," Maura chuckled, jabbing Jane's chest, "and many other things, my darling Clementine. Don't worry." There was a teasing glint in her eye. "We won't have exhausted our options by tonight's end." She gave Jane's forehead a long kiss. "Just tell me, love. Tell me what you want."

"Stoke the fire."

"Ohh, with pleasure."

"No, I mean literally stoke the fire," Jane clarified, propping herself up again before Maura could go in for another kiss. "I don't want it to go out. I really like being able to see you."

Maura laughed again, drawing their discarded blanket around her for warmth as she reached for the poker. "Think you can wait?"

"Sure," Jane said. She paused, watching Maura busy herself with the logs. "I've waited a lifetime for something like this with someone like you. I can stand a few seconds before another go."

Hearing this, Maura let the poker clatter to the floor rather than put it back in its place. She turned back over Jane, taking her face in her hands. "I'm so glad you found me." She kissed Jane's smiling lips. "Now tell me again, love. What do you want?"

There was something sweet to Maura about how Jane's breathing had become measured again. "Just touch me. Kiss me and touch me."

It was a wish easily met. Maura coaxed the release from her with a new quietness, not the urgency of before. When Jane was spent, all she wanted to do was clutch Maura as close to her as possible. _"Hold me."_ _"I am."_ _"Do it more."_ They stayed wrapped up in each others arms for some time, exchanging small kisses, but for the most part just happy to lie there. Maura could feel the urge to sleep draping itself over her like another blanket, but she wasn't ready to say goodbye to this moment yet. To stave it off, she asked Jane what she was thinking about.

"A few things," Jane said softly. She started lightly playing with Maura's hair. "Like how 'wow' is so not adequate enough of a word to describe what all you made me feel. And how cliché I must sound for saying that."

Maura laughed, tilting Jane's chin towards her and kissing her cheek. "Au contraire, my love. I think it's beyond adequate, and nothing about you is cliché." Jane rolled onto her side to face Maura, and got a short kiss for her efforts. "What else?"

"Well, now that you mention it, I'm actually really glad we were able to do this without any clichés."

"I don't know," Maura mused. "Making love in front of a fireplace is kind of cliché."

Jane would've expected a more clinical term like something involving the word "coitus" or for Maura to at least refer to it as sex. "Making love" was maybe the most old-fashioned thing she'd ever heard Maura say. Jane found it adorable and sweet.

"Yeah, okay, that's not what I meant though," Jane went on. "I mean, for a first time kind of deal. I'm glad it happened this way, unplanned. I think I might've gotten myself all nervous over nothing if I'd thought about making this a thing on this trip. Like, if I'd left a trail of flower petals from the door to the bed, what would you have thought?"

"I'd have thought you'd tracked them in."

"Right! Yes, exactly," Jane laughed. "I dunno, there was always something so phony to me about like, flowers and candles and music and all that. Not that there's anything wrong with it, or that it wouldn't be nice in the future, maybe, but …I dunno, it's just not me. Firelight's a nice substitute for candlelight."

"Yeah, I liked that part of it, too," Maura said. "When I thought about potentially doing this with you someday, I imagined I'd be wearing something, well, sexier than sweats. But I kind of like that I wasn't."

"Okay, well, for the record, I would not be opposed to seeing anything you had in mind," Jane said, getting Maura to laugh and pump her eyebrows. "But, yeah. Casual suits me. And also for the record, you're a knockout in casual wear. So. No pressure any time."

Jane let her hand drift down Maura's side, and reflected on how nice it felt to be able to do something like that without it feeling like a come-on. That wasn't to say it felt routine or mundane, and maybe if Jane wasn't so tired it would've felt more exciting, but this was lovely in its own way, too, this level of familiarity. She liked being in this place with Maura, where feeling her naked skin could be comfortable as much as exciting. She was having a hard enough time articulating that to herself, and wasn't sure how to express it to Maura, leaving her again to use actions instead of words.

After more gentle kissing, what this ultimately translated to was Jane lying in Maura's arms, her head on Maura's shoulder. She inched close enough to hear Maura's heartbeat and closed her eyes, feeling its calming rhythm. It made her think of a time she'd been watching a movie with Frost where, in a particularly tense scene, a character's heartbeat pumped loud on the soundtrack. Frost had cringed and muted the TV, freaked out and (in his own words) reminded of his own mortality by the sound. Jane wondered if he'd ever experienced heartbeats in this context. Steadying, soothing.

"Hey, what about you?" she asked.

Maura had been threading her fingers through Jane's curls. "Hm?"

"What're you thinking about?"

"Oh. Statistics."

Were she dealing with anyone else, Jane might've been insulted by this answer, but she knew Maura would have a good explanation. "Oh?"

"Odds, I should say. The odds that we met when we did. And met again when we did."

Jane smiled and pressed a kiss to Maura's collarbone. "Are you telling me you believe in fate, soon-to-be-Dr. Isles?"

Maura's sigh came out as a laugh. She traced three letters on Jane's back: _YES._ "Don't tell the dean, they might kick me out."

"I'll wait until the diploma is in your hand."

They shared a laugh and another kiss before Maura said, "Really, though, Jane. You deserve to hear this as more than just a response to what you said before. I'm so in love with you. You gave me back something I lost. When I found out my dad was cheating on my mother, it… it sort of killed something in me. Everything I thought I knew about love just vanished. It really messed with my head. I think that's maybe part of what made it easier to break up with Diana when I left California for school here. Like the pressure was off."

Jane wasn't sure what answer she wanted to hear when she asked, "Did you love her? Weren't you together over a year?"

It took Maura a moment to reply. "I didn't love her as much as she loved me. I liked her very much, but I was more in love with the idea of love, if that makes sense. I think at that point in my life, having grown up ignored by my parents and having recently dumped a boy who said I was too feminine to be a real lesbian, it just… that all made me wonder if I'd ever be able to find someone who loved me. So in that headspace, it meant so much more for me to be loved and I was scared of losing it. I didn't change for her, but I repressed parts of myself for her." She clung Jane closer and left a long a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you so much, Jane. I love that you came to me with no preconceived notions about who I was or who I should be, and just let me enjoy your company as myself. It's been so freeing. I love that you make me bolder." She clicked her tongue when that got an audibly amused response from Jane. "I love your laugh, too, even it's sometimes at my expense."

"Sorry, babe," Jane said. "It's just that it's funny to hear you say that when your self-confidence has been a huge motivating factor for me. I've changed because of you, too. I've become more myself. God… when I think…"

Maura stroked her cheek. "Think what, sweetheart?"

Jane propped herself up, taking Maura's hand. "You said I gave you back something you'd lost. Well, you gave me something I never thought I'd have." She took a steadying breath, trying to fight off a sudden onset of tears. "Phew, I think some soot from the fireplace made its way over here somehow!"

"You don't have to say anything else if you don't want to," Maura said. She used her thumb to brush away the one tear that had fallen.

"No, no, I want to. That's something else you've done, Maura, you've made me want to talk about myself. I hope not in an obnoxious way—"

"Never, love."

"—but just, I dunno, I think I spent such a long time trying to not … sorry about my grammar, I know it's bad, but such a long time trying to not think about who I was. That made me pretty quiet unless I was playing a sport or roughhousing with my brothers. My Pop got me a T-shirt when I was in high school that said 'I'm fluent in sarcasm,' and my Ma hated it because she hated that I was more sarcastic than sincere."

"Humor is a common defense mechanism."

Jane nodded. "Yeah. Anyway. I remember at the beginning of my junior year of high school, I walked in on my brother watching some girl-on-girl porn. Y'know, like with the bleached blondes and the… yeah, I don't have to set the scene for you. But it was like, burned in my brain for years and I was so ashamed because I didn't let on that I was there right away. I—I watched from the doorway for probably a whole minute and I only made my presence known at that point because he was about to unzip his pants and I did _not_ want to see that." She tried to laugh, and Maura smiled ruefully at her. "I _hated_ myself so much for having watched it, even though I hadn't been the one who sought it out. And I felt gross, too, like obviously in hindsight I know it was so fake, and made for men anyway, but like having that be the first thing I ever saw that showed women together, it…"

"Yeah," Maura whispered. "I can see how that would warp your understanding."

"It did, it really did. All the feelings I had about that kind of stuff anyway, like how I'd been taught about it being dirty and depraved, and it just got, what's the word, it got all mixed up with my feelings about liking girls. Like _all_ of it was bad, _all_ of it was dirty and shameful. But so long as I didn't say anything about it, then it didn't exist, and no one would ever know, and I'd be okay. It was this weird push-and-pull though because I kept thinking back to that scene and being attracted and repulsed at the same time, and it… it was so confusing."

The fire was on its last legs now, but there was no thought from either of them about getting up to revive it just yet. If anything, the semi-darkness helped Jane feel more comfortable putting herself out there.

"I really, really wish I could go back and tell that seventeen-year-old girl how misled she'd been. Being with you like this, it was nothing like that scene that I saw." Her voice had become hoarse with unshed tears. "It wasn't fake or gross. It didn't give me any of the feelings my seventeen-year-old self associated with it, not even close. This all wasn't dirty, it was—it was a blessing."

That seemed the best way to describe it. Lying with Maura afterwards, Jane felt all the antidotes to the shame her teenage self might've expected: contentment, esteem, gratitude. Joy that it had turned out not to be an issue of giving in to wicked temptations but rather, when she was ready, living up to the identity she had worked so long to repress. Love was no longer some distant, abstract thing, meant only for others living a certain path; it was something personal and attainable and something that was surrounding her at this moment in time, from inside to outside.

"I love your laugh, too," Jane said. "I love your smile, so, so much. I love how kind you are. I love that you're smart but you're not a snob about it."

"I love your hair," said Maura, giving one curl a light tug. "I love your bravado. I love your sweet, sweet, nature."

"There's another thing," Jane chuckled. Maura started a small path of kisses from Jane's forehead down to her cheek. "I think you're literally the first person who has ever used the word 'sweet' to describe me. You really bring out that side of me, though, like you make me want to live up to that. Like maybe I don't need to be on the defense all the time."

"I hope never with me, love."

Jane finally stretched out her arm and let herself lay down again. Face-to-face with Maura, she tucked her leg over Maura's and pulled her closer. "I love that you call me that. Please don't stop."

"Never, my love. Not ever."


End file.
